If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
