either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
