Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
