I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
