That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
