Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
