When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
