Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
