allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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