My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
