Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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