i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
