am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
