When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
