he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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