So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
