I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
