he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
