I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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