Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
not ubering you a puppy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
