whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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