She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
FUCK WHALES
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