i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
