i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
