I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
