Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All the doctor said was why
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
