If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
