I feel great
I just peed on a car
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
