Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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