U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
