my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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