Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
