idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
