She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
