My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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