Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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