I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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