i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
