What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
