Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We left the knife in your bed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
