hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
