i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
