does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
