Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
