Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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