I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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