Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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