Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
