even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
