I could have mohawked her pubes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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