We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
