I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Found the puke drawer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
