She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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