Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
